Study break gchats
glassowhine: Annie: i got home at 3am from the date and slept with my neighbor Annie: :( Annie: partially because i got locked out of my apartment So I went on a really great OkCupid date on Saturday night and stumbled back home full of picklebacks and beer. When I tried to open my door, the door’s broken card-reader rejected my key again and again. Spotting my neighbor down the hall, I...
Eyelids are to Asians what hair is to African-Americans. By which I mean, eyelids are a big fucking deal, beauty-wise, and are also wrought with cultural significance. The whole fuss of epicanthic folds versus double-folds aside, what really drives my sister and me insane is the fact that the size of our droopers varies from day to day, depending on such factors as lack of sleep, crying jags,...
Last night, Katie accurately pointed out that the guy who lives down the hall from me looks like the CGI-faced monkey that was just discovered. “HE LOOKS LIKE THE NEW MONKEY!” Here’s my favorite comment from the CNN article:
Law students are way more fun and interesting than people give them credit for: Ahem. Imagine my horror when I noticed several months ago that the Facebook group for the entering class at my law school was filled with such discussions. Even seemingly lightweight threads - such as what movies people liked - were hijacked by over-intellectualizing snots: No way, I love Zal Batmanglij too!...
From time to time, I accidentally say unpleasant things about my dad in public, such as “I hate my dad” or “I’d rather die than have my dad walk me down the aisle; I will have a gay friend do it.” Those around me usually look horrified, reminding me too late that most people feel warmly toward their family patriarchs. Maybe I should just print out a copy of this...
Me: “A lot of the guys at my school look like they have rosacea. They are all blonde with red faces.” Niall: “Oh my god, did you know that they just discovered the cause of rosacea? It comes from when little mites on your face explode, and bacteria comes out of their anuses.”
Today at a Labor Day BBQ, I was talking to a plaid-wearing boy with a nose ring, which makes him a raging hipster by DC standards. When I asked him if he wanted to live in DC for awhile, he said that his ultimate plan was to settle down in Austria or Germany. Seeing as he had majored in Philosophy, I was like, “Oh, ha-ha, is that because a lot of great philosophers are German?” He...
This is what Jarrett saw during his lunch break last week: A woman was tying her dog’s leash to a pole outside of Sweetgreen, this health-oriented frozen yogurt/salad eatery in DC. Some guy asked her in a shocked tone, “You’re just going to leave your dog there?” She was like, “Uh, yeah,” and started walking away. The guy proceeded to go into Sweetgreen and...
Stuff White People Like:
Facebook profile photos in which they are the sole white person, surrounded by dark-skinned orphans (ethnicity variable) whom they have volunteered to help.
I have my period again which means that I have been in Spain for a month. I am pretty regular, FYI. The day before I flew out, I went to get self-serve frozen yogurt with my sister. Oh god, I miss self-serve frozen yogurt. I was wearing the same gauzy brown dress that I am wearing at this very instant, in fact. There were no seats available, so we perched ourselves on a roomy windowsill to eat...
My sister: “How did she manage to bake ONE cupcake in ‘Bridesmaids’? Did she use egg substitute?”
This ole blog ended up getting too personal for mass consumption, so I started a new chaste one over here for my Spanish travels. However, if I have to write anything slanderous, juicy, or mad bitchy, you can bet your bottom peso that I’ll be over here typing away.
fashion or whatever
Occasionally, I get this urge to redo my “look.” Right now, I have this really strong mental image of what I want to look like: Long tan shearling coat (I don’t know where I got this idea from) Red lipstick, preferably Chanel. More a dark geisha shade than fire engine red. Long stringy hair full of split ends THIS PLUS THISPLUS THIS I know it seems like it won’t work,...
In teaching myself how to use iMovie’s voiceover function, I ended up churning out a highly conceptual motion picture.
My friend just sent the following text to a guy he went on a date with last week: “Ok, u’ve already gotten 2 strikes out of 3. 1- u mentioned movies on Monday then never followed up. 2- you take 20 mins on avg to respond to txts. I’m chill but if I don’t receive respect, I don’t allow myself to proceed. Thanks!” Note to self: NEVER FLAKE OUT ON MICHAEL.
I’ve never watched porn, but I feel like this Excel spreadsheet (more like SEXCEL SPREADSHEET, ha!) is more arousing that any possible video I could watch. Last semester I was writing an article about bubble tea for my school’s gourmet magazine, since the theme of the Spring 2011 issue was international fare. Fact: bubble tea was invented in Taiwan in the...
Why I have lice
Last Monday, I found out that I had lice. Since my head had been unbearably itchy over the weekend, I had my creeping suspicions that there were critters up there. Inspecting my head under a bright light, the school nurse confirmed my worst nightmare: “Oh yeah. I see quite a few lice eggs in your hair.” I started screaming uncontrollably, “Oh my god, oh my god,” absolutely...
In which I hack my mom's e-mail account
This semester, I woke up every morning stupidly excited for a simple thing: my mug of Trader Joe’s instant coffee, sweetened by one packet of Splenda, which I pilfered by the handful from Subway. On February 28, 2011, upon opening my cupboard, I noticed that my pile of Splendas was MIA, prompting me to WTF and furiously search the other cabinets for the whereabouts of my stash. It took about...
My blog was looking a little forlorn, so I decided to tell the story of the time I tried to look like a hot orphan.
“Wild Young Hearts,” Noisettes
By the way.
Non-Tumblr users can now comment on my blog!
In the wee hours of Tuesday morning as I lay prostrate under his sweaty Jewish body, I imagined how I would later recount the experience to others. “Vanilla sex” seemed far too generous, since it implies that the sex is merely dull rather than awful. I guess “bad sex” would be the most apt, but I’m trying to pioneer a new term that my brain spit out the other day. It...
actingonimpulses-deactivated201 asked: I just read that entire roommate Craigslist story and laughed (out loud) by myself.
My school charges $10 per therapy session, which does not sit well with me. That’s like the equivalent of 40 gumballs, a manicure in Manhattan, or a pair of crappy headphones. I’d rather just record (free) videos of myself complaining in a locked room, since that’s what therapy felt like to me anyway.
Modern Lust: a story in 3 parts
Despite the 5° weather and my scratchy throat, I took the long route home tonight, just so I could walk past the law school building. Why? Allow me to ramble on about a guy I hardly know: I. JUNIOR YEAR, FEBRUARY 2010: Exactly a year ago, my two friends and I posted an ad on Craigslist to find someone who would sublet the fourth bedroom in our apartment for the following school year. The ad was...
As you read this, please keep in mind that: it is 1:52 AM on a Saturday night, I am considerably tipsy, and I just took 2 Nyquil tablets (just for fun!). Alright, here’s a peculiar question: do you ever feel halfway crunchy? This is a question that I pondered tonight while I was halfheartedly jamming to a soul/funk band that was performing at the bar next door. A litmus test, which may or...
As a result of having read this E. Jean article this afternoon, I became reluctant to unleash my litany of sorrows. However, I quickly realized that her advice was dumb. Anyone who uses the phrase “connecting deeply” and “Moleskine notebook” in the same sentence is clearly full of shit. Furthermore, who wants to read a blog about how fucking happy you are all the time? I...
On February 13, I demanded that Josh tell me his favorite candy so that I could buy him a Valentine’s Day delight. He adamantly told me NOT to buy him anything. However, the next day, he presented me with a heart-shaped box of chocolates in front of my favorite library. I think I screamed a little. Then we held hands and walked across the Arts Quad. Everyone knows we’re not together...
Still documenting happy moments in order to stay...
Today I got lunch at the Big Red Barn with my friend Soolean, whom I met in my Sociology of Law class last semester by sitting in the front row everyday along with all the other conscientious Asian chicks. She is a perfect little Korean girl, i.e., she volunteers at the local prison, serves as service chair for the on-campus Korean Christian group, works as a research assistant AND a desk person...
Last night, Lars explained how getting to know me has mirrored his feelings toward the movie “Moulin Rouge.” I paraphrase his reasoning here: “Have you seen the movie ‘Moulin Rouge’? Okay, so when I first met you, I was really overwhelmed by you. It was like the first time I saw ‘Moulin Rouge’ — it was sensory overload. Too many David Bowie covers,...
Recently, bad things have been happening in my life. I have amassed so many problems that I considered getting a therapist. PITY PARTY. However, I realized that blogging is like therapy— but free! So to counteract the negativity, I am going to start documenting things that make me laugh on the daily. Yesterday in my English class, Josh and I were writing notes to each other, bitchily...
ELIZABETH, JUST EAT LESS
Last month, The New York Times published an inconsequential article under the Dining & Wine section regarding the “high-end junk-food purveyors that have popped up around Capitol Hill recently.” What struck me was not the tale of prospering burger joints, but rather the accompanying photo of a mousy, center-part brunette chowing down on a triad of comfort food. After all, this...
I am inconsolable.
In a heart-rending turn of events, I ended up losing the glasses - as well as my sister’s cream-colored beanie - somewhere between IHOP and the Mark II Lounge in Chicago. These two possessions join a growing group of items that I have lost while sauced: Furry earmuffs Multiple lip products Two iPhones A thrifted Dolce & Gabbana scarf that was meant to be shared...