June 2010
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High-class discomfort
I used to think that awkward entrée names were the domain of down-home middle American restaurants - Cheesecake Factory’s “Buffalo Blasts” and “Cajun Chicken Littles,” for instance - but I recently encountered an anomaly. Ray’s The Steaks is a fancy restaurant (signified by the $$$ denotation on Yelp) in Arlington, Virginia, and it was populated by rich-looking...
May 2010
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Obstinacy at its worst
I have identified a foul characteristic of mine: I am averse to criticism, to the extent that I absolutely refuse to confront it. Last week, I sent Vincent a link to my blog entry about Patagonia. I am guessing it was 3 AM, the peak time for regrettable messages. We had a brief thread going on, and I was like, “By the way, I wrote this thing. Not sure if it interests you, but there’s...
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Breaking barriers
I am going to start a new trend: Asian couples adopting white babies. It will be a boy, and his name will be Billy. Given this unique switch-up, everyone will look at ME ME ME as I walk through the suburban mall pushing a stroller.
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Cost-benefit analysis
PRO OF A MANI/PEDI: Shapely nails that add a pop of color to my outfit.
CONS OF A MANI/PEDI:
Sadness when I see the erstwhile perfection chipping away day by day.
Paranoia that the Vietnamese women are discussing the vileness of my feet, as they chatter away to each other in their native language. Keep in mind that painting my own nails is not really an option, given my severely challenged...
A BLOG HIATUS?
Lately, this web log has dissolved into a series of photographs from my daily life, accompanied by mundane commentary. My blog’s raison d‘être was to serve as a self-indulgent medium for matters of profound substance: my feelings about YouTube, eyebrows, PostSecret, marriage, eyebrows, and the like. These theses were certainly tedious to write, but each time I reveled in the fact that...
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i told you i was a Carrie
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I'm such a Carrie
After seeing this holiday card in my acupuncturist’s office, I couldn’t help but wonder: do we tend to be attracted to mates who resemble us, physically and/or otherwise?
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This is why I'm hot
Today I walked around Newbury Street, Copley, and the Prudential while wearing capri sweatpants (Gilly Hicks; stolen from sister), an oversized grey t-shirt (free from participating in ASA Study Abroad in 2006), madras flip-flops (J.Crew), and no bra. At least one man noticed that last detail. Essentially, I was Britney Spears circa the Kevin Federline years, albeit lacking the key accessory of a...
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I don't remember being so heinous
From: !annie![schlomothebulldog@yahoo.com] Date: Tuesday, June 08, 2004 02:31 PM To: info@starbucks.com[info@starbucks.com] Subject: Bad coffee
Dear Starbucks,
I recently experienced the most unpleasant coffee experience of my lifetime. The coffee tasted old and I am pretty sure there was a hair in it. Service was too slow and so I hope you will compensate me for my annoyances with...
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she swears she had high school friends
When someone types the phrase “Asian stereotype” into Google Images, this photograph should be the first one to pop up if there is any justice in the world. Please note the following:
Nose (almost literally) buried in a book. Moreover, this is not some obligatory “Hamlet” nonsense imposed by an English teacher. No, this Mystery Asian Girl reserves historical fiction...
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Kelly Cutrone is my sensei
Who knew that MTV was so educational vis-à-vis life advice? Last night I was watching that episode of “The City” where Olivia Palermo pretends to support Whitney’s new clothing line, only to blow off Whit’s momentous photo shoot for Elle Magazine. She claimed that she had been busy interviewing another designer, but we ALL knew that she was straight-up scheming to...
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Child-like glee
A list of activities you may want to do after you hand in your final exam: listen to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs’ “Zero” in the rain, smoke with a friend, watch “Real Housewives of New Jersey,” and experiment with puffy paints on canvas. As far as food consumption, experience the joy of a dining hall while buh-lazed (eat a piece of white bread slathered in Nutella) and...
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Flip flop candles?
The surest way to deflate your ego is to reread blog entries that you wrote anywhere from ages 13-17.
2002: today is sunday, october 20th. I am wearing a yellow sweater with light colored cords. i was originially wearing a skirt. but theni changed. i willl chang eagain as soon as i finish writing this.
2003: right now i am going through an “i love candles ” phase. I WANT TO BUY EVERY...
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Surfer Blood, “Swim (To Reach the...
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I don't like meeting famous people
What do a pedicure, a doctor’s waiting room, and an airport layover have in common? I view each as a prime opportunity to absorb celebrity-related knowledge, devouring magazines already stained with the greasy fingerprints of like-minded persons. Once, I even risked smudging a newly lacquered nail to flip to the next page of InStyle — never again. Of course, I could simply read Perez...
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I'm watching you
At the risk of sounding like a perverted old man, I enjoy watching girls get ready for a “night on the town.” It’s almost unfortunate that I didn’t join a sorority because then I would have abundant access to this diversion every single weekend. You know how chick flicks often include the requisite make-over montage? “Clueless” immediately comes to mind,...
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A novella: the Patagonian weirdo
** Bonjour à les personnes avec qui j’ai travaillé pour WWOOF. Je pense que vous n’aimez pas cet écrit, et je suis desolée. Si vous avez des questions, vous pouvez moi envoyer un mail: anniet815@yahoo.com
When I sat down to write this mammoth entry, I said to myself, “Let’s get this blog on the road.” Honest to blog. According to a friend, the entry is...
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call me, Washington, D.C. gays
About Hag: Unpaid 20-year-old summer intern without a fake ID and too much free time. Is too hopeless to find men of substance.
Enjoys pressing elevator buttons, hearing what you ate for breakfast, Michelle Williams’ wardrobe, the concept of milkmen, lingering in cafes, the Kardashian family, petty thievery, farmers’ markets, languages, the blogosphere, pseudo-anorexia, Scrabble,...
The Diskettes, “Art”
You may...
Restaurant snobbery up the wazoo
On Friday night, I deigned to enter Chili’s Bar and Grill in an act of sociability. While I read a shiny menu that advertised entrees like “Big Mouth® Bites & Fries” at a “Sizzlin’ Value,” replete with vibrant photographs, I restrained myself from making a denigrating remark. Had I been so bold, it probably would have had something to do with my conjecture...
Carla Bruni, “Raphael”
This song...
I am curious to know what alternative names they nixed before settling on this one. Also, imagine a dad calling up the stairs to his kids on a Sunday night: “Hey, what do you guys think about getting some Dolphin Seafood tonight?”
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On eyebrows and ramen
I am in awe of the full shapeliness of her eyebrows, despite their uncanny resemblance to the caterpillars that are currently infesting the campus. This photograph immediately deepened the regret that I feel about my recent visit to the first salon that I spotted upon emerging from the Union Square subway station. It was 7:30 PM on a Friday night, and the Indian-run salon was...
Joe Dassin, “Les Champs Elysées”
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The Real World: Ithaca
On Monday, I made someone cry for the first time in over a decade. The fight revolved around one’s Facebook friend count (how utterly embarrassing, but the issue was more nuanced than it seems), the phrase “vindictive psychopath,” and my vandalized bedroom door. For me, the all-time low of this hullabaloo was when his father promptly defriended me after my adversary made a...
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How to deflect social contact
In order to avoid saying “hi” to acquaintances on campus, Alicia has decided that she will tell them that she has prosopagnosia. Honestly, I think we should all pretend that we have prosopagnosia. It would save a lot of time that we could devote to other obligations, such as reading blogs. Although I consider myself as friendly as a Golden Retriever puppy, this is balanced out by my...
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Sad but true
Unless I’ve had an awesome interaction, lately the highlight of my day has been smoking a cigarette around midnight. I refrain from smoking directly in front of the library, lest the passersby confuse me as one of “those” Asians, i.e., the Korean Mafia. I’d rather indulge myself as I walk from Uris to my house, listening to music and mentally blogging. I wouldn’t...
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A Liz Lemon moment
Getting frozen yogurt all over my new Hobo wallet (I eBayed the “Coral Vintage” color, naturally), then disregarding the damage in order to concentrate on sprinkle-covered vanilla goodness. I need improve my food descriptions from the level of a Fat Kid to soaring Ruth Reichl heights. For me, Ruth Reichl will always be associated with August 2005. Upon returning home from Los Angeles,...
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Wild Beasts, “Vigil For A Fuddy...
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Dear Nate Dern,
You’re following my Tumblr? Be still my beating heart! I’m assuming that you only did so as an act of reciprocity, but we’ll just pretend that you check my blog religiously to see if I’ve updated. I can visualize you sitting there in a cluttered Brooklyn apartment, clicking “Refresh” over and over again. Just kidding— I know you have a slew of...
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